Honestly, I hate the gym

I was updating my CV the other day and in my hobbies and interests section I have actually stated that I 'regularly work out`. Haha, what absolute bullshit.

I get about as much joy from a trip to the gym as I would a trip to the dump. Its hell in a confined, sweaty, over competitive, hot space full of people in tight pants.

If I were famous I'd get papped in my trackies walking out McDonald's clutching a chicken mayo burger with large fries. Probably end up in heats circle of shame. That was once a thing. Not the circle of shame, me walking out McDonald's in my gym gear. Just once I swear. 

Working out makes you hungry. Duh.
Thankfully I'm not famous, just honest and honestly, I hate the gym.

- Just getting there requires too much energy, if I'm too lazy to get a bus them really there's no chance of a workout is there.  

- No matter how hard I try I can't ever quite get the sports chic look right. Primark Gym leggings do give you camel toe, just saying.

- It doesn't make me feel good, it makes me feel terrible. Endorphin's, yeah I don't have them.

- I can never work the bloody machines, the cross trainer will be the death of me I swear. I've had to ask for help more times than I care to remember. Once to a rather dashing young man *mortifying*

- I have an immense fear of being thrown off the running machine backwards. They say the chances are slim, I say otherwise. All it takes a hot guy to walk past and I'm gone.

- And please, why cover the walls in mirrors, seeing myself working out is not motivational it's quite frankly hideous. Who looks good squatting. Not me. 

- Guys judge you. girls judge you.  I feel judged before I've even done anything. God knows what they think after seeing me prancing about for 20 minutes on the treadmill.

- Weights are a no go, too much testosterone for that one.

- Why am I the only person to ever work out sans makeup.

- "I'm paying money for this and I'm hating every second of it. what a bloody waste of my life"

- People watch you work out and it creeps me out. I admit I do this myself but at least I make it subtle. Umm do you mind.

- I never remember to drink water, running and unscrewing a bottle lid is quite tricky to be fair. Results in me being a dehydrated, sweaty mess. 

Pilates is the one for me. 

At least I can breathe. 

And I get a mat.