I just want a Career.

Just casually clinging onto my teenage years over here.

I'm 20 this year *heart palpitations*. Firstly how did that even happen.
Well I mean I know how I'm just a little gobsmacked.

When I left college I felt lost because for once I had nothing even remotely productive to do. I missed waking up at seven in the morning and having somewhere to be. I missed the struggle of having to finish an essay at one in the morning the night before it was due in. I actually missed being a student in education because back then if anyone asked me where my life was going I could at least pretend to have it all figured out. The only real stress I had to deal with was if the guy in my English class fancied me and if I had enough money to afford a McDonald's lunch.
Like I said. Stress.

Fast forward a few months and I'm stressed beyond belief, confused and completely clueless.

If this is adulthood then I don't want it.
I want it to still be acceptable to play Sims for a straight 7 hours and not be questioned about it. I want it to still be acceptable to be far more interested in who the heck A is than how professional my CV looks.
(Seriously though how many more seasons.)

Not having a clue what I'm doing makes me feel physically ill, my heart beats 10 times faster at the mere thought of having no career, no prospects and no clue as to what it is I actually spend my days doing. Its currently 12:15 and so far I've caught up on Towie and attempted to apply to an internship that quite clearly wont even give me the time of day.

*sobs into already soggy cornflakes*

Deciding not to go to Uni was a pretty easy decision. Far easier it seemed than for those who had decided to go. I had no idea what I wanted to be so choosing a subject was a massive headache plus being in debt is something I am keen to avoid in my life and going to uni seems like a surefire way of diving head first into that one.
Also, 4 more years of essays, I`d rather not.
It's not a cop out though. Not going to uni doesn't mean your taking the easy option, it means your taking a risk, a bloody great big one. The truth is once you leave college your basically on your own. If you don't have any immediate plans then it's up to you to make some. A part time job was on my immediate list of things to do, I got one eventually and that's where I'm at right now. working part time in a theater.
Do I love it? Hell no. If I have to deal with one more stuck up and quite frankly RUDE human being who clearly thinks they are so much better than me just because they are on the opposite side of the counter, I will chuck a sandwich over their head.
Dont ever work in retail. SAVE YOURSELVES.
Sure it pays for my Starbucks Frappes and Quinoa lunches but apart from that its just something to do besides being stuck at home.

Most people my age are worrying about which freshers parties they should attend.  Meanwhile I'm spending most of my mornings scrutinizing my CV whilst refreshing Indeed every 20 minutes in hope of finding a new apprenticeship vacancy, one that doesn't require a bloody degree. Oh and then there's the endless amounts of cover letters.
Dear sir/madame, pleaseeeee just give me a chance.
Its so relentless, you need experience to get experience yet no one wants to give you any experience.
Got that?

You've only got to look at Reed to see how many people are applying for interns and apprenticeships, how off putting is that by the way! Is it just me that hates seeing how many people I'm potentially in competition with. At least let me pretend I have some kind of a chance.

I mean there must be something out their for everyone. Having a passion and a goal is always helpful. I've finally figured out where I want to end up in life. Right now, an apartment in New York would suit me to be honest. Working in a theater is as I always say "just for the time being". We all deserve to feel like we`re doing something we can be proud of, we all deserve to achieve as much or as little as we want to achieve. It may be someones goal to work in a theater and that's great, its just not mine. 

So with that in mind I guess its back to my endless amounts of cover letters, web searching and pleading.
Oh and just generally feeling really lost in life. Please tell me I'm not the only one.


  1. You're not the only one! I felt exactly like this before I quit my (retail) job and took off on my travels and I have felt like it since when I came to settle down again! You'll find your path :) Sometimes it comes from the most unexpected of places!

    1. Ahh travelling sounds amazing, I think its good to remember that things will work themselves out, they somehow always do.
      Sophie xx

  2. Your 20, that's young. You don't need to feel like you need to have everything figured out. Your writing an amazing blog which is a great commitment and passion to have, show that in your covering letters. Your marketing yourself, writing about things which interest you and have a eye for detail.

    You'll get there, I dropped out of school after GCSE's and went to college a year after, I went to university as I just wanted more experience (fuck the debt!)
    Keep going, you'll do tons of applications until something just is meant to be :)

    1. Aww thank you, that means a lot, Haha I shall keep on going for sure!
      Sophie xxx

  3. Oh my god I totally get where you're coming from. Working in retail or hospitality is honestly a nightmare and it honestly fucking sucks. I work in a cafe, and god you realise how awful people can be when you're the one serving them lol! But I get to quit in four months as I'm going traveling. I'm also in Uni, and that's a bitch so tbh you probably made the right decision in not going. The way I see it is to not worry so much and that everything will work itself out in the end. But it's still so bloody stressful!

    Love your blog btw

    Emily xxx

    1. Haha I completely agree, some days you can get the loveliest customers and the next they can all just be so horrible, the amount of times I've wanted to quit! Ahh that sounds amazing, all this talk of travelling is making me seriously wanna jump on a plane haha.
      Thank you so much!
      Sophie xxx