when your feeling a bit down

08/02/2015

when your feeling a bit down

When I find myself feeling crappy about something I often just take a moment to think, is it really that bad? If the answer is yes and I continue to scream into my pillow and feel an overwhelming desire to chuck my phone at the wall then that's okay. No really it is (although my mum may disagree) sometimes you have to be sad, no explanation needed, you gotta wallow, cry, sulk, swear and hang your head down like you just wanna block everyone out. I've done it far too many times, I should know. Far too many people tell you to just 'pick yourself up, get over shit, be happy and move on' but life's not that simple, we all know that. Sometimes nothing can make you smile because your sad or hurt and your in a bad place, we all go to those places at some point. You feel trapped and lonely and it's horrible, horrible that no one else can feel even an ounce of your pain. But things will get better because one thing I've learnt is that they always, always do. 

If however I can let out a large sigh, get myself out of bed (even if it is just for a coffee in my ever so precious starbucks mug) and maybe even resemble just half a human then perhaps it's not actually that bad. It's the little smile that appears on my face when I see a funny picture, a dancing polar bear or a stupid meme that reminds me that I have it in me to be happy it's just up to me to search a little deeper sometimes. Allowing yourself to enjoy a moment as much as you possibly can is so much more empowering than just being sad.

Sassy polarbear

The little things.

• Let's start simple, a Starbucks Caramel Coffee Frappuccino will never go a miss. Cream and caramel sauce if you don't mind. I am a Starbucks enthusiast btw, my phone cover is Starbucks for Christs sake. 
• taking time out, the bathroom seems to be the one place in the house which is actually quiet and there's a lock on the door. That thing called privacy, I finally understand it. And all those lush bath bombs you've been saving for a special occasion, well this is a special occasion. 
• this may seem weird but its so rare for my room to actually be tidy that when it is I just feel like I've accomplished the impossible.
• A heart to heart with whoever is willing to listen haha! Whoever bears the brunt of this one, well I applaud you and I love you.
• Having a chat with yourself, I don't mean a full on out loud convo, things haven't got quite that bad yet. I just mean take some time to think things through in your head, maybe you over thought something so much you've made it out to be 10x worse, I am always doing this and having a little word with myself usually leaves me feeling in control again.
• Treat yourself, those new topshop shoes I got yesterday, totally shouldn't have done that, but I did and you know what, idgaf.
• Finding a happy distraction, this blog is my happy distraction as is reading other peoples blogs. Blogs allow you to get to know a person and their inner thoughts and feelings, it truly fascinates me how diverse everyone is yet how alike we all are at the same time. 
• Find something to look forward to. Something as simple as a cup of tea (Yorkshire does the trick) or something as grand as a girls holiday (Ibiza here I come baby!) 
• I'm not someone who can cry easily, I could be heartbroken yet still find it impossible to shed a tear, know that it's okay to not be an emotional mess all the time, it doesn't mean you don't feel, it just means you can't always express these emotions. I find physically writing down my feelings really helps bring on the water works and I do love a good cry. 
• Knowing that you are fab, you are amazing, you deserve amazing and nothing less, crappy situations don't stay crappy forever! Here's one of my absolute favorite quotes that I have to share with you! 

Chances are your not the only one having a bad day, Just remember Daniel Powter had such a bad day he had to write a song about it. 

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Netflix: a tv lovers dream

04/02/2015

Netflix: a tv lovers dream

It's lunchtime on a Wednesday, well it would be had I not have already eaten at around 11 (got greedy). The TV is crap, as per, what is it about daytime TV that these people don't understand. I hate antiques, I hate house renovations (when it's not my own) and I'm sorry mum but I actually secretly also kinda hate loose women. This is where I have to cave, I can't go on when I know greater things lie just a click of a button away. I'm talking about Netflix of course.

I figured it needed a somewhat dramatic introduction. 

Netflix is like a TV addicts equivalent to the Makeup addicts Naked Palette, the holy grail, only a true TV master can commit to paying a monthly fee for hours and hours worth of screen time, either that or your just a really lazy professional procrastinator. I don't know if saying I've watched most of the series on Netflix is something I should be proud of or something I shouldn't be so keen to admit. I'm not even a tele-aholic, I only really care for home and away and neighbours (obvs). I just love a good American drama, in which case Netflix is a place of dreams. Netflix is also a curse, once you start watching something, and believe me you will find something, hours will pass without you even knowing, it's like Sims all over again, only slightly more graphic in places.

- I'm already well and truly into PLL, I'm even using the abbreviation cause I'm that clued up. I've been watching it since it started and I've gotta say I don't even really know what's going on anymore but I've come this far and I will be dammed if I don't find out who A is, it literally has caused me sleepless nights trying to figure it out.
- I'm also hooked on the vampire diaries, who doesn't love blood curdling screams and vampire teeth. I know I do.
- I've been tempted by orange is the new black, mostly because my last name is Black and I have orange hair so it'd almost be rude not to (This is why I could never be a TV critic). It has been recommend by everyone and their dog so it can't do any harm to check it out. I'm only reluctant because I know full well I'll get hooked then won't be able to do a thing with my life.
- I'm also making it a goal of mine, because I aim high, to watch gossip girl, I don't know how I haven't already seen it. On paper its like my dream TV show, hot guys, drama, romance, probably get a brand new girl crush obsession over someone, sounds fab!
- I'm also currently getting my teeth stuck into the originals (gettit!) a spin off of the vampire diaries, it's quite dark in comparison to the TVD but that's all good with me.
- And finally I am loving Dance Moms, the concept sounds painful, pushy over protective mums or moms, whatever you prefer, and their precious dancing stage school perfect children. Its ridiculously addictive and I promise you you will get emotionally attached to some of these kids, watching them try to make in the world of dance with a quite frankly terrifying teacher. I know I know, sounds crap, but trust me on this one.

I really love finding new series to get stuck into but I usually go by recommendations and word of mouth before I commit to anything. There's way too many shows on this thing that probably aren't worth a week of my time! And if I'm going to continue having somewhat of a social life I've got to be a little bit picky. Although saying that I can watch just about anything. 

Now I just gotta figure out what to watch.

Any Netflix recommendations?

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so worth the hangover

01/02/2015

so worth the hangover

Something I've learnt, there's the normal way of getting ready for a night out, then there's my way. Run home, quick shave leaving me with blood dripping down my legs, top up day old makeup applied at 7am for work, lashings more mascara, take down hair, batiste like a crazy woman, shake it around like willow smith and out the door. 

Working a double shift on a Saturday until 10:30 is not exactly ideal. Knowing I was gonna see my ex for the first time was even less ideal. That just added to my pressure to look good, not even good, I wanted to look HOT and I had approximately 30 minutes to achieve this, pretty sure even barbie needs more than 30 minutes.  

Jumped in the cab, checking manically through my clutch when I'm in the taxi, no matter how many times previous I have gone through my mental checklist, phone, keys, ID, card, lipstick, money for taxi, Shit. Oh nope it's in the side pocket. I always have to do this. I go through it every time and funnily enough I've never actually forgotten anything, as of yet. Upon arriving at my destination, my friends were already well and truly sozzled, fair play, can't say I blamed them. Long story short, Its no fun being the only sober one so a few too many jagerbombs later and I had well and truly taken care of the matter. A night out for me can either go one of two ways, I drink too much and end up on the nearest sofa falling asleep or I drink too much and end up resembling a Duracell bunny. Last night it was turn of the hyped up, over excitable bunny. Damage was done, drinks were drunk, my ex was confronted and new friends were made, decent night out if you ask me. 

Upon waking up my head doesn't feel too pretty and neither does my bank balance but its absolutely true when people say the unplanned and unexpected nights out are always the best. I've been out 3 weekends in a row now, shameful I know, so to make myself feel slightly better about my recent wild behavior I've compiled a short list of promises I'm making not only to myself but to the internet to ensure I have a fun night out but also that I wake up with a clear head the next day. Mostly because the hazy uncertain recollection of whether or not I gave my number to the weird guy in the red shirt is not good. 

I vow

• I vow never to drink another jäger bomb ever again, they are not, I repeat, not good for you!
• I vow never to wear shoes that I can't walk in, it's a simple rule, one we follow most of our lives yet on nights out us girls make it so bloody difficult for ourselves. Stick to Flats! (Never gonna happen)
• I vow never to leave the house beforehand on an empty stomach, devouring a burger and chips at 4 in the morning is not a pretty sight nor is it a good look. 
• I vow never to bring my card out with me again, I use it like there's no tomorrow, hence my spontaneous one week spending ban.
• I vow to remember that sweet, fruity, extremely alcoholic cocktails are not my friend.  
• I vow to stay off my phone, that means no drunk texts to my ex, no emotional phone calls, no checking people`s snapchat stories to see if their having more fun than me and no unattractive selfies.
• I vow to drink water in between drinks, so boring and so very unrealistic but its worth a try.
• I vow to be sensible and bring a coat and scarf because whilst going home I may be slightly drunk but I am still very much capable of freezing to my near death.
• I vow to book a cab in advance to go home and sort out money before we start drinking because trying to divide fairs when extremely tired and quite frankly not in a fit state is not fun, not for you and definitely not for the cab driver. 
• But finally and most importantly I vow to carry on dancing like an absolute idiot, running man and all for as long as my heart desires.

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injecting some good (food) into my life

28/01/2015

injecting some good (food) into my life

I am not someone who can get motivated by seeing an image of a slim, toned, healthy, glowing woman prancing around in a bikini, it wont make me want to go the gym, eat a salad and drink 3 liters of water, it will make me want to grab a spoon and delve into a large tub of Ben and Jerry`s. Not that I'm bitter or anything.... I've also never had much interest in listening to people droning on about nutrition and diet, my immediate response being  "Oh my god shut up and pass me a doughnut". 

Life is far too short and the Tesco dessert isle far too large.
However I have gradually found myself leaning towards healthier foods since I found out I'm anemic, meaning I have low iron levels (great excuse for lie ins it has to be said) despite taking supplements I just constantly look kinda half asleep, except with my eyes open, nice imagery for you there. This is not a diet plan or a way of losing weight by any means its just an easy way of improving my health and putting a bit more balance into my eating habits .Obviously we all know fruit and veg is the way to go and we should eat at least 5 portions a day, standard. For me that's not actually very realistic, stupid work hours and sheer laziness means a ready meal from sainsburys Italian range is as exciting as it gets most of the time, although that's quite an exciting dinner if you ask me. 

I've recently discovered the world of quinoa, flax seeds, kale and spelt, strange and almost scary sounding things that quite frankly you'd expect to find in your garden. I've spent endless amounts of time in Tesco searching the isles discovering these foods that I had no idea even existed. I promise you my life is as exciting as that!

As I spent most of my time constantly battling being exhausted and trying to stay awake it came clear to me that weetabix just wasn't cutting it anymore! I still eat crap, a lot of crap, but I balance it out with what I know my body needs and in return I get to feel half human again.
Result. 

- I'm not a breakfast fan, never have been and I don't think I ever will be, but It is as they say the most important meal of the day so I figured I should give it some attention. As boring as it sounds I usually stick to porridge with some fruit thrown in, its quick and easy and requires no fuss.
- Naked smoothies, these little beauties taste just like innocent smoothies yet they are packed with goodness without all the added sugar, they are quite pricey at £2.50 each but one bottle contains something like 74 blueberries alone alone with loads of other fruit, I usually buy one of these each time I'm at work so I have something to keep me going.  The green one may look like swamp mud but it is actually my favorite.
- Quinoa, sounds strange, looks strange to be fair but is a great substitute for pasta which I eat way too much of, I usually mix it with tinned tomatoes and loads of vegetables for a really easy lunch, it'll keep in the fridge too so if I have any left over I can eat it the next day.
-Water is a must, its so boring and it pains me to say it but unfortunately its true. I aim to drink 2 liters a day, very rarely happens though, I find drinking in 250ml bottles through a straw is the best way to get through it. Yes, I drink like a child. 

-Green tea, I swapped my usual morning tea complete with 2 sugars for a mug of jasmine green tea, I detest the taste of normal green tea so after searching the green tea isle I've found my substitute, there really are loads to choose from.
-Cod liver Oil supplements, small capsules, easy to take, its a doddle to be honest.
-Vegetable packs, as much as I love fresh vegetables I can never eat them in the time your supposed to and when I eventually do get round to chopping them they've gone all shriveled and brown, not a good look. Instead I use frozen bags of veg, turns out much cheaper, last much longer and take about 2 mins in the microwave. I mix these little steam bags in with my lunches and then I know I've had at least some proportion of my 5 a day.

Any healthy eating tips and tricks?

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shake it like a polaroid picture

26/01/2015

shake it like a polaroid picture

Check me out being all Pintresty, not that that's a word. 

I am in love with Polaroids, they just look so bloomin cool, I love having images I can look back over in the palm of my hand rather than having to resort to looking through my phone or my laptop. I ordered my Polaroids from square-snaps.com and they were about £10 for 24 photos, the quality is amazing and they look so cool. I'm almost scared to touch them in fear of damaging them. As I lack any kind of vision when it comes to diy I'm currently searching through pintrest looking for creative ways of displaying my Polaroids, people of the internet are so inspiring, it puts me to shame. So far I'm thinking twinkly fairy lights, wooden pegs and some string so I can have them hanging across my bedroom wall. Hmm, time to get creative I think.
Watch this space!

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taking on the morning

23/01/2015

taking on the morning

Upon waking up the first thing I do is check my phone, if its before 10 then that's only as far as I get before im back face first in the pillow trying to nod off again, why? Because nothing good ever happens before 10. If its after 10 then I`ll usually check my phone for messages, quite often non existent to be fair, if I've decided no one is in desperate need of my attention then I`ll get up. Basically I am not one of those `get up and go` morning people, the people we all aspire to be, the people who make me feel like a failure. I don't really abide by all this new year, new me stuff but I have recently been through a breakup and since coming through the other side I've decided to make some changes and give myself a reason to really want to get out of bed in the morning, So as of now, or maybe tomorrow, I am a morning person.

My morning coffee would usually be served at around mid-day, followed by lunch because who even likes breakfast? Id then usually catch the last 20 minutes or so of This Morning by which point it should really be called `This afternoon`, just a thought. As I work part time and mostly evenings my days really lack any kind of structure, by getting myself up earlier and setting a few goals for my day, no matter how big or small I'm hoping to improve all round.  

So in order to change my ways I have set in place some rules and some small guidelines for myself to become a fully motivated morning enthusiast.

1) Set an alarm, the dreaded sound that you never want to hear, but a fail safe way of waking up at your desired time, by getting up at the same time each day I'm hoping I can gain some structure and quite a few more hours in my day to make good stuff happen. 

2) Make a plan for the day, its no good forcing yourself to get up only to be slumped in front of the Tv for the whole day, I mean once in a while is of course a must, everyone needs a sofa day but everyday is maybe a tad excessive. Having direction for the day is a sure way of feeling motivated and empowered. 

3) Swap coffee for green tea, I've scrutinized Sainsburys tea isle and trust me there's a whole world of green tea im yet to discover. I don't mean abolish coffee because I wouldn't quite be able to cope but green tea is supposed to be really good for you so why not jump on that bandwagon. 

4) Take time to write, the whole point of me starting this blog is because I love writing, giving myself a set time in the morning to sit down with a pen and a brand spanking new notepad to just write should get my creativity flowing for the rest of the day. 

5) Switch off from my phone, not switch off my phone cause that's too much for anyone to handle but learning to just put my phone down and focus on other things in the day is the best way of stopping me from procrastinating, Instagram can wait till later. This way rather than swapping between social media and writing a blog post I can focus on just one task.

Heres to hoping it lasts.

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searching for gym motivation

20/01/2015

searching for gym motivation

Despite being incredibly stingy not even the £20 a month membership fee is enough to get me down to the gym. I impulsively joined a few days ago after being dumped, its as good a reason as any! My initial thought was get fit, get toned, look fab and show him what he`s missing, two large galaxy share bars later and I'm afraid that hasn't quite worked out for me.

People always talk about how working out releases endorphin's, I myself don't know what endorphin's are to be quite honest but they sound great, its supposed to give you a boost and make you feel good. I fear I don't have the ability to release these so called endorphin's. After my first workout I felt bloody awful, my skin had turned the color of a lobster, every single joint and muscle in my body throbbed, I had a sore throat and my head was all dizzy. I did however feel a sense of empowerment, I had just endured 20 minutes on a running machine and I had lived to tell the tale.

Despite not exactly getting off to the best start I do intend on making a few small changes with my life and going to the gym is one of them, I have no interest in gaining a flat stomach and washboard abs, I can dream but I`d far rather carry on eating pasta and tiramisu to my hearts content. I simply want to stick to something and prove to myself that I can do it. That small sense of achievement I felt after walking out the gym covered in sweat in my skin tight yoga pants felt strangely good. I did however feel incredibly out of place, swarms of men were huddled together in the corner, directly in front of a huge wall length mirror doing what I can only assume would be described as `pumping iron`, something I am very unfamiliar with yet something that just makes me want to laugh. Needless to say I will not be joining in with the weightlifting anytime soon.
  My only aim is to endure some intense cardio a couple of times a week until I can actually work out without feeling faint and queasy. Small baby steps like these mean I have half a chance of sticking to my weekly routine. I am in no doubt that I wont become an athlete overnight, nor do I really want to, its just about giving myself something to focus on and something to aim towards, everyone needs a little focus in life and this is now mine, until further notice that is...
Motivation doesn't come easy so to start I'm going to invest in a decent pair of gym trainers, I'm thinking the more money I spend the more likely I am to want to use them, my brain  just works like that. I'm also recruiting my sister who has no choice but to join me on my workout sessions, she is far more energetic and sporty than I am in fact she has already installed an app on her phone that has calculated the perfect workout routine for us, bums, tums and god knows what else. She will not let me slack and that's what I need. I've also just created a playlist on my phone solely suited for working out, fat boy slim anyone? Its not much but I'm hoping it'll be enough to finally get me off my butt and feeling fab, watch this space.

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