10/02/2015

you'll never guess whose on tinder??

"So basically your online dating".
Uhh not what I want to be shouting from the rooftops thank you very much.
One of my best friends discovered my dirty little secret, she spied that little tinder app on my home screen, the one that reminds me quite a lot of jedwards hair, anyone else? 
I covered it up by saying how absolutely hilarious it is, that I only joined for the "banter", little does she know I'm taking this tinder business very seriously. 
It was sparked one day when my step dad asked me if I had ever considered online dating. Of all the people. The sheer humiliation, "umm I'm 19 and I'm not desperate so no, thank you very much" was somewhere along the lines of my response. When I think of online dating I think of sites for men and women  aged 40+ whose profiles resemble that of a lonely old soul in desperate need of some companionship. 
I hold my hands up I was wrong. Well maybe not wrong, just I realise that only covers about 5% of people searching online for love. Only problem is the words love and tinder don't exactly go hand in hand. I've lost count of the times a guys profile has clearly stated with no uncertainty, "ONLY looking for some fun", can I suggest monopoly then mate. I'm not saying I expect to find 'the one' I'm 19 I don't actually want to find the one just yet but I would love to find a nice funny guy who I can have good conversations with and if that happened to turn into more then fab.
By the way I haven't just copied and pasted that from my tinder account!


What to expect from Tinder.
  1. You will see people on there you know, my personal fave, limit the distance to under 5km, guaranteed shocker. "Who knew George from college was on there and I swear he has a girlfriend".
  2. Likewise you will find at least one guy who has a picture of him and his beautiful girlfriend as his main profile picture, not quite sure he understands how this Tinder thing works. I just hope to God no one actually likes that guys profile cause seriously why would you. 
  3. You will begin to feel like Simon Cowel, I don't mean your trousers will feel too high up and your chest hair will start to show but you will feel pretty damn powerful, your basically judging this poor guy in about half a second based on his face. Don`t feel bad though, its happening to you too.
  4. You will get those guys who only have group photos, how the feck am I supposed to know which one you are. "Like I'm secretly hoping your the one in the white shirt, if you are then Bingo, if your not then well I think I`ll politely decline" Ha who am I kidding there is no polite way to decline. Just gotta bin him instead.
  5. You can match with almost 20 people but you can be sure that only 1 will actually start a conversation. Call me old fashioned but I'm waiting, remind me why you liked my profile again.  
  6. The guys with a shirtless bed selfie and a pout plastered on their face as their profile picture, yeah, just do yourself a favor and don't go there.
  7. You will probably find your brother, your uncle and your ex on their so be mentally prepared for that. If you ever can be.
  8. You can only use pictures taken from your Facebook profile, um does it not know that I've privated pretty much 99.9% of my fb photos because I look bloody awful in all of them.
  9. There's only so many times you can browse through loads of guys faces before it really starts to all get a bit tiresome.
  10. It really kills your phone battery. eurghh. *exits app* 

By the way I suck at Tinder. 

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